I've been having a lot of fun in Caledon..

...but now I'm turning into that seventh grade version of my insecure self again. I'm wondering if I'm not "cool enough" to hang out with people, if I should tone myself down a little, if I should censor myself... if perhaps I should invite people over for tea more, and really get a handle on the whole "who has a title and what do those actually mean" before I act like my usual boisterous and obnoxious self on the Caledon chat channel.

I guess because there are a few people that keep up a pretty steady dialogue, and I felt comfortable just jumping right in, I forgot that there are also several hundred others who may or may not be listening who *aren't* adding their two cents. So they know who I am, and what I'm saying, and I-- on the other hand-- go blissfully along making my usual jokes and scandalizing comments and adding to the punnery.... forgetting that when I meet these people, they will already assume that they know me.

But I think, what is worse, is that last night I was accused in open chat of being someone else's alt. (I don't know whose.)

The funniest part about that is that I'm so paranoid about alts because of what happened in my first second life (I have another account that I deleted at the suggestion of Linden Labs because I was being stalked more than a year ago.) that I do only have on alternate account, and I really only have her so I can be in more than 25 groups and get the nice sales announcements.

Merlot isn't me, but she is a part of me, so it was upsetting to be accused of being an alt-- because basically I guess I was accused of being a rabble rouser brought into Caledon to make trouble, right?

Which brings me back to that middle school insecurity. I'm never going to be one of the cool kids, am I? I was talking to someone else in Caledon about this recently. I think that it is interesting how society automatically divides itself. It's not good enough that Caledon is better than the rest if second life, there has to be nobility within Caledon as well. But as I said to this particular gentleman, I think that we all should know better: were any of us technogeeks and steampunks really the popular kids in school? *grins*


I'm only Merlot. I'm not an alt. I'm a witch and a flirt and way too into myself to be someone else. (If there is any question, I can provide references... scarily enough, I think Iason has known me the whole time-- he is one of the few people who knew my deleted account.)But this is the only time I'm going to say it, because otherwise it will seem I "doth protest too much." And we all know how that appears.

Wow. I can't believe that hit such a nerve.
Now I'm going to go try to play with this bit strips thing. Yay for distractions!